After so many years, I am alone again. But this time, I have lost the ability to enjoy it.
When I was in elementary school, I was a kid living in my own world. Loneliness brought about some interesting feelings.
When there’s no one else around me, I had a special kind of feeling frequently - “What am I?”
- I felt that “I’m controlling my body”. Does this mean that I’m not my body? Is my body an extension of “I”? What is “I”?
- I felt that “I can feel myself controlling my body.” Does this mean that “myself” is also an extension of “I”? What is “I”? What is “myself”? What is the core of “I”?
- Why is “I” in this body but not another body? Is it possible for “I” to be in another body? If “I” is moved to another body, does it feel the same as it was before? Is it possible that everyone’s “I” is actually the same thing? Imagine a world where everyone is actually the same person but with different appearances and experiences. Imagine a world where everyone is actually YOU, and no one knows that, living their life loving, competing, and even killing each other. Everyone feels that they are special internally, but in fact they are the same person. Or else, imagine a world where everyone is actually a THING that has a fake feeling of “I”.
When I feel that I am alone in this world, these feelings and ideas appear.
I tried to find the answer to this question throughout my life, like everyone else did. In the end I chose to believe this simple explanation:
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“I can feel my body” doesn’t imply that my body is an extension of me. My body is me. My consciousness would change, if I lost any part of my body.
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Consciousness is just something developed for animals to better survive in this world. Or even worse, consciousness is a side affect caused by the ability to remember the past and predict the future, and the ability to differentiate and classify objects and events, which are developed for animals to better survive the world.
Is this true? Is this too simple?
I don’t know. But it kept me from further pursuing the answer.